November 22, 2003
The European Union has just
The European Union has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the one other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government has conceded that English spelling does actually have some small, but significant, room for improvement and has thus accepted a 5-year phase-in-plan of these improvements that will eventually become known as "Euro English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one letter less.
In the sekond year, there will be growing publik enthusiasm when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20 persent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" > with "z", and "w" with "v".
During the fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords containing "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a United Urop vil finali kum tru.
Zen ve vil rul ze vorld!!!!
Posted by rachel at November 22, 2003 11:50 AM
Dear Miss Manners:
My home economics teacher says that one must never place one's
elbows on the table. However, I have read that one elbow, in between
courses, is all right. Which is correct?
Gentle Reader:
For the purpose of answering examinations in your home
economics class, your teacher is correct. Catching on to this
principle of education may be of even greater importance to you now
than learning correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners
believes that is.
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